holding babies

The other day I finally decided not to feel bad for wanting to hold my baby all the time. I know, you didn't imagine I would be having such struggles, but having a baby has encouraged me to feel things I never imagined either. Since having my cute little boy, I will be places with him and other people will want to hold him or play with him, and it's totally fine. In fact it's probably good, I want him to have a good time with other people so he doesn't grow up afraid of them. But I've felt a silent pressure to share him with others that don't really like. I've felt, at times, like I should be planning times to have someone watch him for me just so others can enjoy him for a while, or I should let others hold him in church when really I'm perfectly content to hold him myself all the time. (There are rare moments when I am tired or grumpy for some reason, when I am glad to have others take him, but it is rare).

Well, I made a little breakthrough the other day. I've never been a major baby person, and usually am not even inclined to hold other people's babies. I may recognize that they are cute, even feel happy looking at them and their adorableness, but I don't yearn to hold them the same way lots of women seem to. I think it's my Vulcan-ness that sees them more as little strangers that don't know me and I don't know them, rather than as merely adorable infants.

So, this weekend I finally connected the two feelings. I realized that since I don't really care about holding other peoples babies, mine are all I'll have to cuddle as infants, so I need to eat up every little second I get. And I don't need to feel bad for not sharing him with other women. They can apparently get their fix with other people's kids, so I'm not obliged to gratify their cravings with my child. My kid is my kid, I like holding him all the way through church (I'm almost jealous when my own husband holds him, for crying out loud), I like hanging out with him even on weekends, and I even think it's cute to take him with us to restaurants.

I'm glad to have one more guilt erased from my life, and while I won't swear I'll feel exactly the same way all my life, I'm gonna own it. And love spending all the time I can with my little man who just isn't going to be little for very long.

flying

I think that when you ask most people what super-power they would most like to have, they will say flight. I say this partly because most people I have asked have said that, and partly because flying has something about it that makes it seem like the ultimate freedom...to be able to move and go where you will in an unfettered and exhilarating way. Never mind that lots of people then don't know where they would go if they could fly. I would go straight up to the top of a mountain that I am too lazy to hike and look around for a good long while, then I would fly to a hot tub and soak for a while since I'd probably be a little cold after sitting on a mountain top all afternoon.

I have quite a few dreams where I can fly, but it's not in the Superman, or bird, way that we usually think of. Instead it's like levitation. I bounce up high and come down to sort of rest at the level I desire and then hang out looking around and enjoying the scenery. I guess in that way my dream flying is like my imagination of flying. Neither of which are anything like my actuality of flying in commercial airliners.

But really, if I got to pick a super power, I would be like Elasigirl...soooooo versatile.

my house, oh yeah

I love love love love awesome modern prefab houses and this could be my favorite to far. It's made by a company called Hive Modular. I like a lot of their stuff so far. Cool, compact, awesome design is the way to go...take a hint Utah.

yard sale

Today, on my way home from the library, where I checked out the movie New York Doll and not a single book, I saw a couple of signs taped to local light posts. One said "yard sale" with an arrow pointing a direction, another said "Superb lawn care" with a number to whom I can only assume is a very conscientious teenage entrepreneur. They both were drawn with, I'm sure, tender loving care, and a big black marker with no typographical skill, which made me wonder. In an age where pretty much every household has a computer and printer and even 5-year-olds know how to run them, why do people still hand-write yard sale signs? And without even caring to see that their letters come out on a straight line? Not that no one shows up anyway, it's just that, in a world where technology has made it so easy and internet marketing is a subject in elementary school, you'd think people might bother. Who knows, maybe someone will be willing to pay a few more dollars for your never-really-used inversion table if you'd only take the time to choose an actual font.

ok, now i'm really a mom

You might really be a mom if...

you've cried more in the past 2 weeks than in the past 20 years.
you talk to a little person in a high pitched voice at least 5 times a day.
a little boy has peed on you while you tried to change his diaper.
you find yourself wishing you could force another human to fall asleep.
it seems totally normal to have your breasts be used as food dispensing items.
your world has gone a little crazy, and you totally love it.