Ok, it's official. I know I've been pregnant for what seems like ages (it's only recently dawned on me that I will not be pregnant forever, but will, in fact, be skinny again one day), but it is now totally for real. Why? Well, because the other day I finally had some true, spontaneous, and almost overwhelming mom feelings.
I've never been the baby crazy type. I never wanted to hold my young woman advisors' babies. I didn't yearn to go out and moon over cutsey baby things the second I knew I was expecting. I didn't even fantasize about how I would decorate my baby's room. All I know is that I love my family, I've always known that I wanted one, and - as far as anyone has told me - this is how you go about getting it.
It almost makes me sound like an unfeeling automaton, doesn't it? Well, I'm happy to report that I am truly a flesh and blood, genuine, and loving mother. My proof came the other day when I was doing nothing more spectacular than pulling up to a yogurt place for lunch. As I was approching I just kind of started thinking about having a baby. I started imagining holding him and talking to him and taking him with me places. And in the middle of imagining I spontaneously started to giggle with joy and excitement. My eyes even started to well up in happy emotion (I tried to keep that under control, though, seeing how I was about to order my lunch). It was unexpected and not forced. It sprang up from some place inside of me which must be the dormant maternal instinct that I've been waiting to hear from since May, when I first knew I was pregnant. It felt very good, and made me very happy, and I'm very grateful for it. Maybe I'll be a good mom afterall.
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me at my cousin's wedding
trigonometric is my favorite word, not because of what it means, but cause it's so much fun to say
about me
I was born in Vegas and somehow landed in Salt Lake City. I wonder how things work, like to laugh at anything worthy, and am craving sushi. Most days I wake up with a song in my head and sometimes I remember my dreams...funny things, dreams.
glitter shoes
me at my cousin's wedding
feel good thoughts
In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole, and complete. I release all fear, anxiety, and past hurts, knowing that the Universe takes care of me. I am enough. I trust, knowing that whatever I need to know is revealed to me, and that whatever I need comes to me. I support myself and life supports me. I am the power in my world. All is well in my world.
1 comment:
Of course you will be! I never held other peoples babies either...but I love my own to death, and would take more!! But I will have to satisfy myself with holding yours!! Love ya.
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