turns out, I'm not crazy

So, today I got a little bored and wondered what in the world I could google for about five minutes. Many of you will know that I have had a habit for years of pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows which seems like such a weird thing to do, but there it is. Well, is just so happens that the other day I got to pulling and before I could stop myself had yanked a nice healthy patch out of my right eyebrow. Dang it. So just for the heck of it I googled "I pull out my eyebrows." Links actually came up and, can you believe it?! I am not alone.

Turns out there is a condition called "trichotillomania." Basically it's an impulse disorder where people compulsively PULL OUT THEIR HAIR! I am not even kidding. Often it starts when they are young and they don't really mean to, and often aren't thinking about it when they do pull. It's more common in women and is generally linked to an affinity for repetitious and minute movement. They often have other picking behaviors. Pulling behavior is often linked to depressed or stressful states like a way to cope or something.

Isn't that crazy! Can you believe how so much of that is me? If you can't I will enumerate the ways.
1. I have carried around nail clippers for years and could fiddle with my cuticles for hours (and have progressively gotten better at leaving them alone before they start to bleed). I also think it's fun to examine my hair and use my clippers to chop off any split-ends.
2. I've never really minded doing repetitive tasks (as long as I can be thinking about something else, anyway), like that job I had stuffing envelopes at Citibank. I was so good at that and actually kind of enjoyed it. Just yesterday Ty was musing at how content I was to do Sudoku-like puzzles for like ever and saying he could never cause it's just so tedious.
3. I like to peal stickers off of everything (although this is partly cause I like the clean look of packaging minus labels), and have always liked unpicking knots...especially really messy ones.
4. I was kind of anxious as a kid and have a history of physically manifesting internal angst (shingles one year, acne another, etc.) so it totally makes sense that I could have done something like pulling in response.
5. I only sometimes even notice I'm doing it, I don't usually notice until I've just pulled out like 12 hairs (which in your eyelashes is a lot). Ty has had to train me out of unconsciously rubbing his shirt or pant leg til he got annoyed enough to ask me to stop.
6. I used to pull everything: arm hair, earlobe fuzz, head and face hair, etc. I leave most of them alone these days, and will hopefully soon kick the eye-hair habit. Gratefully, I've never been extreme. Some people will pull huge chunks from their head and get wigs or else pull out all their eyebrows and end up painting them on.
7. When I was living with my Aunt Deanna she used to tell me I was gonna go bald with all the pulling I would do on my hair. I've only ever pulled already loose strands (thank goodness), but I still had a dream one night that I had pulled out all the hair from the top of my hair. That was scary.

I'm just kind of surprised right now at how good it feels to discover this. It's kind of validating and gratifying to find out that I'm not the only one on the planet who does this and that there's actually a name for it. And I feel like knowing its name will help me finally get over it. From now on when I get the urge I will not think my eyebrow itches or that I'm allergic to my mascara, I will just think, "It's only my trichotillomania acting up," then I will leave it alone and get on with life. And I'll have those fantastically full eyebrows that my husband loves and that I've really always wanted.

P.S. I super love this picture.