my whole life

Today I was talking to my adorable and ever engaging friend Sharon, and I got to articulate something that has been formulating for a while. I was thinking and realizing, and feeling so gratified at the life I have in front of me. A lot of little things have led to this: knowing I want to seriously learn how to play the piano at some point, realistically thinking about getting a second degree, watching my parents in their totally awesome, worth-while activity strewn retirement. It's like, I see all the years I have ahead of me and I am so so excited about them. I never thought I would have these exact feelings at this exact time, like I am starting to understand what women mean when they say they loved their 30's more than their 20's or their 40's more than their 30's. I've lived long enough to know that two years is not that long and I have decades of active, fulfilled life in which to reap harvest from things I work on for two years...or more.

I mean, like Sharon said, to start a four year degree when you are 18 seems like forever. However, at 32 I now know that I could take on the piano and be at it for 10 to 15 years. By the time I was good I might be 42 or 47, but I'd still have 30 or 40 years to enjoy and share that skill! Wow, that is totally worth it, and such a freeing assumption.

I don't know if I am correctly communicating this fullness of heart that I have, it's a combination of gratitude, wonder, and healthy anticipation that I just never imagined I would feel at this age of my life. When I was 15 I certainly never imagined how broad and welcoming my life would feel when I was in my *gasp* 30's. But here I am, and that's exactly how it feels, and I wish every younger person could catch a glimpse of that feeling and be comforted, but I know they probably won't. I think this is just one of those feelings that you are only allowed to understand once you have worked some years, been dedicated in some way, then taken some time to look back and appreciate. After that I'd think you couldn't help but look forward, and marvel.